I don’t let people see when I am struggling. Why? Because it is the same as with animals, injuries makes us vulnerable to attack, and so we do not show we are injured. It is, perhaps, a primal instinct within us, a self-preservation thing.
Little Panther, 5 month old kitten, walked into our lives—wandered in the open door—and did not show us he was carrying an injury from maybe 6 weeks earlier. He wanted us to love him for him, and to give him a home because we wanted him, not to take him in out of pity. Once we had taken him in—having exhausted all avenues in trying to find his owners—and he felt safe and secure, he then let us see his limp. We took him to the vet and X-rays showed it was far more serious than we thought. He had a broken leg, and it was an old injury, maybe 6 weeks old. This wee fellow would have been between 3 and 4 months old when it happened—we assume he got hit by a car—and he got no medical help. He coped with his broken leg because he did not have any choice, and he coped with the pain. He did not whimper or show weakness, but now we understand why he was content to just curl up on our laps or be held. He needed love, he needed a home, and he needed help. He is booked in for surgery, and after that he will recover well, and we will make sure the rest of his life is filled with love and happiness.
So … I have witnessed Little Panther and I have realised that I too hide my pain, and my struggles. We all are so good at pretending we are okay. I promised people I would be open, raw and vulnerable, and I don’t know what happened along the last few months, but somehow I retreated. I think that I just got too overwhelmed with the struggles of people I was meeting daily. I was trying so hard to find the answers for others that I was not looking at my own weariness. I was wanting something I had lost, knowing it would never return. I was not taking time to recharge, to nurture myself. I put myself last, and I retreated because I was tired.
Now I realise what has been going on. And I am taking better steps of self care, and nurturing.
Is it fear of opening up that scares us? Is it the fear of being vulnerable that terrifies us? Yes! Hell yes! None of us like being torn down, criticised, condemned, none of us like to be treated like crap, or to be treated cruelly, we don’t want to receive nasty messages, and we don’t want to be constantly told ‘you don’t understand’ … we don’t want to be side-lined all the time, to the point where we begin to feel as if the side-lines are where we belong because, after all, everyone keeps putting us there. So we stop living in life, and we stay on the side-lines because we feel like no one wants us to come in and play in life with them. And we are so frustrated with this situation!! Seriously, even as I write this I feel frustration building up within me on behalf of so many people!!!
And I adamantly refuse to remain side-lined any more!
I am making a stand for myself, for my life, for my extraordinary soul, for my gifts, for my love, for my heart, for my presence … I am making a stand, and I am going to nurture myself right back up into strength and power.
I want to feel strong again, powerful again, bright again, vibrant again … having not even known how far away from these things I had slipped. I have not felt like me for a while, and did not even notice how much of me was slipping away with each day as I toiled in worldly things.
Let the wise woman rise again. Strong.
Let the healer rise again. Powerful.
Let the Priestess rise again. Regal.
Let the frequency sing again. Loud.
I make this commitment to myself, that I will not lose myself again. Life is too short and precious to waste.
And I do not need to chose any one thing over another, because I can do it all! I truly can!
With this commitment to myself, my life changed in just one day!!
I was back in alignment, and life was responding.
Yes, I’m back … and this time I have a companion: Panther!