I have learnt a lot about myself lately. I always look at my responses to life, to people, to situations, and see what I can learn. Was I aggressive? Was that ego? Was I annoyed? Was I irritated in my response? Was I impatient? Was I calm? Did I handle that with peace and grace? Could I have handled that differently? Could I have done better?
In this constant checking in on myself, I constantly understand more about myself, and am able to grow, and to retain a sense of peace more and more often.
In life, I am the student so that I can be the teacher as and when the occasion arises. I share what I have learnt through my own journey. I prove it all to myself first, before I can share—with authenticity—with anyone else. It is important to me that I share what works, and what I have ‘tested’ in my own life. So, trust me, if I share it, it is because I know it works, I have tested it, trailed it, walked through it, been burned by it.
I also live intuitively much of the time, knowing what is needed—though I admit there are also times I have no idea what is needed and flail about as much as anyone else. I am not perfect, I don’t have everything sorted, I struggle at times, and I feel lost at times, and lonely and isolated. We all struggle at times. But I don’t stay down. I look at why those feelings are there, I go through a lot of self talk, and I find my own peace. I may sit and have a conversation with Source Energy, feeling the answers come to me.
Every single tiny struggle, or hurt, is an opportunity for me to grow and understand more. And in doing that, the struggles become less because I ‘catch’ my behaviour quicker … I find quiet peace. I can sit, alone, on my patio, and be still, silent, peaceful. I am content with what is, and yet I know that every single moment is creating my future, that my present was created in my past, and my future is created in my present. So, I cannot complain.
I own my failures, and there have been many. I also own the successes. And I don’t ever compare the number of failures to the number of successes. All that matters is I keep moving forward. And keep doing the best I can.
Lately I observe the world, and I step back into my inner world. I have tired of the judgement, the criticisms, the conspiracy theories, the ‘mud slinging matches’ the ‘dirty laundry’, the lies, the deceit. And I struggle with the heartache I feel when I know people have been deceived, duped, conned. So, I step back … I focus on my own journey, my unique journey, and I do all that I can. I have an effect upon the world around me, and so, this personal journey is the best thing I can do for myself and for my world.
My world is very simple, it is one of peace, it is one of compassion, it is one of quiet, it is one of gentleness, and it is one of grace. I have finally got to this point after examining my responses lately, and knowing that it is not who I am, which is why it feels uncomfortable. Anger does not feel good, aggression does not feel good, frustration does not feel good … because these states are not who I am.
I don’t always get it right … With a person very close to me, I lost my alignment, and it was pain, confusion, and worry that spoke … if I could turn back time I would change all of that, and I would take a moment, close my eyes, say “I love you, and I am going to take a few moments to align back into my heart space, so that I can speak to you from the place that is truly me … From the heart of my Soul.” I don’t ever want to make that mistake again. But it can be so hard to be consciously aware every moment of the day, to truly chose the highest response, and not to react like the animal-human. I am not perfect … but I am trying, and I will keep trying until the day I die. I am learning all the time, about myself, about my life, about my world.
The journey does not end. The learning and experiencing does not stop.
I am fully responsible for my own life. I am fully responsible for my own choices, actions, words, thoughts–so are you. I need to slow down sometimes, take a micro-second to think, and then to respond with grace.
In our due care towards these things, we change the world. So … isn’t it about time we all starting making even more of an effort? I, for one, am committed to doing that. And I will continue to observe myself, so that, through self-analysis, I can continue to grow.