I want to know me

All of the searching, all of the seeking, was to find one thing: me, amidst the noise of my own life.

I wanted to know me.

I wanted to be me.

I wanted to stop running around searching, and I wanted to find me.

I found me amidst the stillness and the silence.
I found me amidst the pain and the struggle.
I found me amidst the heart break and the heart joy.
I found me amidst the realisations.
I found me amidst the ownership of the fuck ups.
I found me amidst the tears.
I found me amidst the forehead slapping ‘aha’ moments.

It was as if I was a blind person exploring a statue to try and find out what it was

I had to explore many parts of me to  begin to find out what I was. I won’t say it was an enjoyable journey, because some of it was horrible. But—and there is always a but—there were indeed some joyous moments. I learn, grow and understand from both the joy and the pain, if I take ownership of it all. Nothing happens without it being the choice of my Soul. And so, on a higher level, I knew the possibilities, and the risks, and yet I went ahead anyway

I may stand before a mighty river, and need to get to the other side. My only option is to forge right on through. The water may sweep me away, or I may walk strong and survive the power of the current. It’s up to me. I am the one making the decisions. Victim, or powerhouse?

Through each experience of my life, I am coming to know me more and more, and as my frequency increases, I am able to be more of my Infinite Self, my Divine Spark. Each experience gifts me this opportunity—unless I choose to blame the rest of the world and swear at the universe, both of which I admit I have done! I have ranted, railed, and sworn at the universe … and it patiently let me, knowing I would sooner or later calm down and understand that it was all of my own choosing. I have entered experiences knowing the risks, and then ranted and railed because I did not get the outcome I wanted! Basically, I threw a tanty! However, from every single experience of life, I can take the opportunity to grow. I now look back on some painful experiences with a huge degree of gratitude. I am so grateful for them, because I would not be where I now am without those experiences

I can take the worst, and extract the best that it contains. And let the rest go. Allow it to be free. Cling to nothing. Cling to no one.

Let it be …

Let it go …

There is no quick step program to get to know ‘me’. There is only the journey. One day, when my frequency is high enough, the veils will vanish, because they are not truly there. In the meantime I continue my journey …

… and drink a lot of tea, and think about stuff, and explore life …