Today is the 16th October. My Mum’s birthday. She would have been 78 years old.
But, she passed away in 1996, at the age of 57 from cancer.
I was 33 when she died, and I am now 54 years old … and very much aware of my own mortality. In fact, as I entered my fifties I decided that ‘life is short’ and that if we truly want something we should go for it.
This is why when I want to do something, I do it. If I know something is right, I don’t take it slowly, because I don’t want to waste time! I will dive right on in there, boots and all, risk everything, bare everything, because life is too fucking short!
Am I scared of getting hurt? I am aware that I could get hurt yes, but does that stop me? No. I will risk it all, because the possibility of success, great love, and joy are there. Will I let fear stop me in my tracks, cause me to run before I get hurt? No. Cos that is stupid. And yet, I see many people so afraid of getting hurt, that they play the scenario in their mind of how things could go wrong, from step one right up to step ten (hurt) and then they leap straight to step ten and react as if it has just happened! They react to something that has not happened because they are afraid that it might happen. They are so scared of getting hurt, that they run. They know the possibility could be a fantastic outcome, but they are so afraid that it might not be, that it will be the opposite, that they never give the ‘fantastic outcome’ a chance.
But … here I am … 54 four, and in a couple of months I will be 55, just two years younger than my mother was when she passed away. To me every day is a gift, an opportunity to be filled with as much love and joy as I can. The week ahead is filled with possibilities, and I can create from my ‘creation space of love and joy’, from the focus of my thoughts (for thoughts are creative energy) … and so I do not think of what could go wrong (although this has not always been the case), I focus on the joy and love I feel, and would like to continue to feel.
I have witnessed how my own worry and fear created that which I did not want, I have witnessed it muddy the waters, and watched things go wrong. I learnt from that to switch my thoughts to that which I do want, and to how I desire to feel, and to have faith.
I take all I have learnt and I work with it, to make life beautiful. I live as if I don’t have time to waste, and the truth is, I don’t have time to waste! I don’t have the time to sit back and watch life pass by, I don’t have the time to sit around and do nothing, I don’t have the time to play ‘woe is me’ or ‘poor me’, I have time …. And what I do with that and how I feel in that time is completely in my hands.
In taking a risk we learn a big lesson no matter what the outcome. Whether we get hurt, or whether it all works out and we find great joy, we learn to be fearless. We took a risk, got hurt, did not die. Or, we took a risk, it worked out magnificently, and we achieved great joy. Either way, we took a risk and it did not kill us. That fearlessness becomes a part of who we are and how we live. We stop being afraid of the shadows, we stop being afraid of failing, we stop being afraid of getting hurt. In fact, we look life squarely in the eye and we say, “I took a risk, I got hurt, and I am still fucking standing!”
When we are fearless, and do not take life for granted, when we do not take ‘time’ for granted, we gift ourself the opportunity to make careful and well thought out choices that are in alignment with who and what we are and how we desire to be! We cease to act from fear, (we cease to leap to step ten and react out of fear). We are more allowing of life. We embrace opportunities. We embrace life, love, joy, and laughter. We own our own bullshit, and we let it go!
For me, 57 will be a milestone, because on that day I will sit back and contemplate that 57 years was all my mother had … and every day beyond that will be a gift that I live for both her and I.